So, I have decided to read ’50 Shades of Grey’ because everyone and my mother (literally) is reading it and I didn’t want to be left behind. I want everyone to know that this was against my better judgment. I am not a critic or reviewer by nature, so I will just list some things that didn’t seem quite…right about the book, as well as any positive things I took away from it.

  •            Overall I am not impressed by the writing style, it is almost juvenile feeling. I know that there are many talented erotic fiction writers that have not gotten the acclaim they deserve. If anything positive comes from this, I hope that it opens the door for more people to release their work into the mainstream market.
  •            The author does use unique descriptive, such as ‘ghost of a smile’; however, she starts to overuse this phrase in the first few chapters. Luckily she gives it up and describes a small smile in different ways.
  •             Using words that look like they’re straight out of a thesaurus- every once in a while there is a word just thrown into a paragraph that does not look like it belongs there and I’ll be damned if I know what it means. It looks like she got tired of using a word, and opened a thesaurus to find a smart looking word to replace it with.
  •             Does the main character ever eat a full meal? I know the author is trying to get across that Ana is nervous around Christian, but really?
  •             No one who is Ana’s age is this naive to the world and technology; I can swallow the whole virgin thing, but no computer and no email? How did she get through university with no email? Most universities use on online system for assignments and research. I’m surprised she has a cell phone at the rate she’s going.
  •            The sex is unrealistic from the beginning, having an orgasm from playing with her nipples for the first time? Nope.
  •             He knows she is a virgin, yet he just thrusts it in with wild abandon. OUCH! With his co-called experience, he should know you have to take it slower than that, much slower.
  •             She is barely sore after the whole virginity-losing experience; she acts as if she’s been doing this for years. Her level of soreness is what I would expect from myself after a rough romp, but she is good to go the next morning.
  •             Can we talk about the amount of orgasms? I only achieved this with penetrative sex after years of getting to know my body and its responses, and after being warmed up first. Very unrealistic, this just perpetuates the negative idea that if you can’t orgasm with penetrative sex there is something wrong with you.
  •             This book should be called “50 Shades of Red”. I’m a pale redhead that blushes very easily and I don’t blush this much. I know the author is trying to get across the effect that Christian has on her but I find it annoying and unrealistic.
  •             Her consciousness is a little too anthropomorphized for my liking. I find it distracting to be taken away from the conversation or actions at hand to read a sentence or two about her ‘inner goddess’.
  •            The author almost refuses to use proper words for genitalia, instead using phrases like ‘down there’. I can at least be thankful she refers to the clitoris a few times.
  •             Must I even mention the fact that Christian is an abusive, misogynistic, control freak that Ana should run away from? But noooo, she just too attracted to his beauty and allure to realize that this relationship is totally unhealthy. Way to set back women’s rights a few decades. Don’t get me wrong; I completely understand the dom and sub thing with the power control aspect. He is just too controlling outside the bedroom for my liking.
  •            Honestly, Christian is just a creepy stalker with an obsession for Ana. She should get out before he mounts her head on a pike.
  •             It’s annoying how Ana has to have so many people confirm for her over and over again that Christian has feelings for her. Her lack of self-worth seems incongruent with her appearance and intellectual abilities. Unfortunately, this is the case with most women.
  •             I will throw something positive in here because I just realized how negative this review is. I do start to feel for Ana, the author does a good job at making the reader want to see her succeed. Like a friend, I just want to see her happy. In the end, that is the main thing that all novels should have, or they have nothing at all.

OK, that’s a big enough wound to inflict for now. I am partway through the second book and I may do a review on that one as well, depending on how interesting and different from the first book it is.